It's time ......

I haven't written for awhile.  There's a lot going on in my life, although it may not seem like
much to someone looking on from the outside.
Some of my most wonderful friends,  (that I have not yet met)  write some truly inspiring and
life-changing things.
this pain and struggle that is sometimes a part of our lives does not go unnoticed.
Here is the way my "friend",  Hannah Hurnard put it:
           
             "Many a quiet ordinary and hidden life, unknown to the world,  is a veritable garden in                         which love's flowers and fruits have come to such perfection that it is a place of delight                       where the King of Love, Himself, walks and rejoices...."

So, I've had a struggle of late which my Creator and a few close friends are privy to.  I've one friend who told me (hilariously) last evening that men were overrated.  Lol.   At the time I did not agree, but have come to agree with that statement {after some unnecessary torture}, myself.
That's really all I have to say about that!  :)

Next, on my mind is what the Lord, I believe,  is trying to do to {with} me.  I believe I'm quite a hard nut to crack,  but He's willing to give it a go!

Because of severe pain and trauma in my life at an early age,  I chose (unconsciously, really)  to put several {very hard} layers around my soul.  Let me tell you,  they do NOT peel off easily!
But He's expecting me {what?!} to work on unpeeling those layers!   I thought I'd just say a little prayer and He would fix things.
Was I ever wrong.
Like,  He expects me to WORK,  consistently, arduously  on this.  It is a lot of work to let go of everything.    Well,  try it!   I'm sure there's some things you have to let go of, too.
One of the hardest things is just to give my heart to God on a platter and trust Him....it's hard, especially when people have been mean and untrustworthy.  So,  I have to say,  "okay, God.  I will not hold myself back anymore.  I give myself totally up.  I will trust. (which is a choice by the way).  I won't try to wrap all these layers around myself so [people] can't get in.  I've been tripping over and tangled up in all those sheets for many years.  :)

He helps, for sure.  He says He is our helper, right?  Unfortunately, the bible does not say He is our "do everything for us", God  which at times, I have to say would be pretty nice. :)   (I get a little crabby sometimes).  I guess He don't want no lazy children, and you can't blame Him.
But the things He does say....
that He will never leave us,
that He will never stop loving us, ....
well you have to see that He's putting a lot of work into Our relationship, Himself.....I mean, really,  NEVER leave us?   Like when EVERYONE else has said,  "man I can't stand you right now....You're on your own."    ALWAYS love us?  That's my absolute favorite.  He's like my GOD Teddy bear  :)

I could go on and on about God,  but pinterest says it better (and there's pretty pictures).
Here's one:

Thank-you for listening.
And have a blessed day.





  

Rush to rest at Your feet Lord Jesus

You can either force God's plan into your timing.

or wait  

either in despair or humbly looking to God.  (Walsh, 2014)

like Sarai-until you're 90 and it seems your desire is NEVER going to happen.
.
I was thinking that perhaps we need to learn to rely on God's love more than the love of any other....more than the love of a child, a spouse, friend or foe, stranger or beau, Mother or Father, sibling or dog.
.
So are you willing?  Willing to let God be enough for you in this season of bereft-ness? 

Bereft through a loss of something we had or loss of something we never had (failure of a dream to come true).  
Are we willing to look to God through our veil of pain and tears...to LET Him comfort our souls....to LET Him be enough for us, now, even in this season of sadness? 

God is willing.  He hates to see us in so much pain, hurting needlessly, when He can dull our pain with His mighty hand through His bleeding Heart.  How MUCH HE loves!  His eternal plea, His aching, longing, beseeching plea is "Come to Me"....Come to Me 
and I will give you rest, refreshment, resilience and all the tenderness and love you need inside every moment.

Addiction

This is funny.  Not really, but....
.
I realized how love can be like a drug.  I've never thought this before or came to this realization.  Because of 'falling in love'  with the wrong man,  I've spent plenty of time pondering this subject.
.
Even though I knew this man was 'bad' for me, I couldn't seem to 'turn it off'.   Then a series of events led me believe I was addicted to love.   I always thought that was stupid and cheesy until I experienced it.  :)

So I have this huge hole,  this pain in my heart, stemming from not having received love from a father.

Then in walks a man who is decidedly like my father (unfortunately).  Something inside me (without my formal permission) is attracted to this man.  Some ghost of my past is saying,  "finally, I will be loved."  Unfortunately,  this is also not true, because I have fallen for someone who is just as incapable of true love as my father was.     Life is cruel.
.
But just realizing that this love is like an addiction, a drug I seek to cover my pain, is actually a step toward healing.  Because I now can step back and say "whoa."
.
to be continued...

thankful amidst wading in the swamp

I want to say 'Thank-you' Lord for all I've gotten to do this summer!    I was just thinking about all the things I hadn't gotten to, cleaning out, wading through all my photos and files on the computer, so we could dump it,  wall-papering and putting in the new toilet and a bunch of other house fixer upper things....THen I thought, wait a minute, what have you gotten done?  what have you gotten to?

I have so enjoyed being able to cook!  (have time to)  Tinkering around my flowers every day!   Keeping my house clean....keeping me clean,  time with my LORD!  just a relaxed schedule.

Doing so many fun trips; Broken Walls with my friend, Pam,  Merritt Youth Retreat with my friend Edna and a new friend, Julie, Vermillion with my friend Mindi and Scott, the rock wall, the sweet gifts from my Heavenly Father, which I am so undeserving of. 

So, Thank-you Lord...I suppose I had better get busy!  :)

Backpacking on the Serengetti (nah, just like the way that sounds)

   
    Gorgeous hike from Wild Basin in RMNP.  Some excitement on the trail included crossing a high mountain water fall, more like a trickle  :),  but it was steep and did have to be climbed over.
It was an exciting journey with breathtaking views.

Going backwards...this was about 500 ft up into our hike....total distance was 7 miles.

it's getting late....i'll finish the chronicle of awesomeness tomorrow.  :)

notes, to do list

-Would like to set sweet sunrise over a beautiful pic and post on pinterest

-figure out how to e-mail certain posts to people

a teacher's guilt trip

    This was so cool today

I was struggling over the fact that I was sick,  trying to gauge myself, ...well, maybe I can go to work anyway.  I can muddle through it!....Feeling guilty about calling in. ...
And opened up my devotional book to find some strength for the day:
Here's what it said:
"Realize That You Cannot Meet Everyone's Expectations"
This section proceeds to talk about how Moses was judging all the matters of the people because they were coming to him with an expectation to help them... "Moses did not want to disappoint them so he daily exhausted himself.  When we do this we are pleasing people rather than God and we become ineffective.  We all want people to be pleased with us, but we must also realize that they frequently have unrealistic expectations that are selfish." (Meyer 2010)  So if we are striving to please man, it is possible and even probable that we are being disobedient to God in the course of our daily life.

It is so cool that God only expects what can we give.  How awesome is that!  We have a perfect God who expects sooo much less than perfection and yet people (who are imperfect) expect perfection!  All I have to say is that God is so much more awesome and worthy to be praised, adored and worshipped than people!  Amen?
Lord,  I praise you right now, and thank-You for giving me this.