I have this  Love  that transcends all other loves.


                so I have been 'in love' with a man.  and all the feelings that come with it.  There is no
              other feeling on earth like that.

                                               But I am also 'in love' with my Saviour.  I love him and respect him.
He holds my soul.

                                This love is a gift.  A gift from God.
               And there is no other feeling so heavenly as that!


                                                   Do you ever wonder why some people are so crazy about Jesus?

                                  And you don't see it.
There's this man that lived 2000 years ago and claimed to be God.  He did wonderful things, but what          
                            is that to me now?

                                                    The reason some people are so crazy about Jesus is because He           comes to us (in spirit at least)  in tender ways and moments.  He touches our souls.  We know that He longs compassionately for us.  He aches for us.  He is tender for us.
Do you sense my frustration in trying to express this?
Sometimes,  I feel this incredible beauty explode in my soul and I know that it is Him.  You know how people will do whatever it takes to get, be with and do things with the one they are in love with? That's how and why people are willing to be torn asunder, and go through all horrible malady of things.  They have.......this............Love.
                       They love Him.     They are willing to endure whatever it takes for more of Him.
                         
so...the love of a man has been denied me, at least for now
 I may not have all I want, but I definitely have all I need.

Pain is a part of life, but when you keep going back for more, well it's time to give that up.

I've thought about writing a few times since my last post, but it was inconvenient, and I was unsuccessful (can't use my laptop to do it I guess).  Anyway,  I was just going to whine about some things!  lol.......even if they were true, I guess we don't need any more whinos in the world!  :)

I also have been wanting to do more writing;  a little discouraged by the fact, that only two people read my blog!  lol  But......I guess I have written,  and it's out there!  To me,the main purpose of writing really is to #1.  get things off your chest, #2.  bless, minister to or help others and #3 spur communication and ideas. 

This post is actually inspired by the book I am reading, Unexpected Journeys  by Thom S. Rainer. 

So, I have had this painful relationship and things have happened inside of it that I have not told.  It is probably for the best (sometimes forgetting is).   But,  I drug myself back through some of the experiences (and thankfully they are not as painful anymore.  God and time has healed). 

The reason I drug myself back through these things, was for the love and longing for this girl.  (I believe it is actually the Holy Spirit with me)  that is yearning for her salvation.  I don't all the way understand it,  it is just an intense pain mixed with intense yearning.  Like an empty, holllowness.   It is an intense NEED.  So right now,  I do not have communication with her,  but all these circumstances around our relationship have come back to my memory.  And I know this intense yearning is God's prayers for this sweet child,  oh my goodness,  an intense longing.  God wants His child. 

So, like I was saying,  there was this bad relationship in my life....And somewhere out of the manure that I was steeped in, grew this beautiful flower.  :) 
I was hit over and over again.  I would just recover from one blow, when another would come,  sometimes there was a few days or a week or two in between, but they just never stopped.   I would suffer, recover, then pick myself back up and go right back for more (sometimes with a week or two, or maybe a month at most in between).   Finally God intervened, through some interesting means.  :) 
I was finally forced to end the relationship. 
It was a very crazy thing. 

So, in the midst of all that, there was this girl.  A precious, precious young girl. 
But I loved him.
The one that abused me. This is why I don't like to remember. 
So, anyway,
I loved them both so much. 
I worked up the courage every so often to talk to him, her, (them) about Jesus.  My goodness, He {Jesus} has an incredible longing for people.   Have I mentioned that before?  :)
The painful words he threw at me and the girl were,  "You aren't going to turn into a "Jesus" person like her!"  he spit out bitterly,  his tone dripping with malice.  It was actually more of a command,  like "I forbid it,"  even though he had no rights to do that. 
God, it is still painful.
I froze,  then slunk away.  I don't know why this was such a huge blow, but it devastated me.  I cried the rest of the day. 
So, this beautiful girl,  who is like a teardrop with pink rainbows glittering inside of it, sees me outside.  Acid rain is still falling from my cheeks.  She touches me with her smile and floats away.  Did I mention, she was a beautiful child?

This is the girl I am praying for, with great longing.