My friend came to go garage-saling with me. I was looking forward to it.
But I was tired. I was so tired, but I drug myself out of bed after hitting the snooze for the fourth time. She was all perky and ready to go.
She talked of leaving without me. That kicked me into gear a little. I got dressed quickly. She put my dog out to save me time.
Then came the first disagreement. I thought we should ride together. She thought we should ride separately. I stood there frustrated, looking at her and she staring back at me.
"Well, I guess"....I reluctantly said as I got into my car."
She wanted to go to a certain sale and I wanted to get a newspaper that showed the listings....on and on the disagreements kept mounting. Finally we just went our separate ways.
I got more and more disgusted as I walked around the sales by myself. I pouted to myself, "I wouldn't even have gone if she hadn't wanted me to go and here I am going around by myself."
Eventually I went back home.
After I got home, the big evil self pity monster really struck! I started thinking about how de-valued I felt and remembered how someone else I loved had treated me that same way. Then I started down a terrible familiar path of feeling totally unloved and unworthy. The tears were really rolling then! Yikes!
But after awhile, I heard her come into the house and I knew I needed to get myself together. I was praying sputtering prayers this whole time! Which sounded like, "Lord, help me!"
Well, the turning point in the battle with the self-pity monster finally came. I have this trick of waiting on the Lord when I don't have what I need inside of me. Just looking to Him in faith.
Anyway, I remember pulling my drapes open and staring at the day outside and my beautiful, but pitiful (like me, lol). geranium and I started saying to myself....over and over and over.
"I respect myself."
wow, I liked the way I began to feel...more strong, confident. The sniveling soon stopped. I became more and more calm. I think I also reminded myself of how much the Lord valued me and just how valuable in general I am!
So eventually got myself together enough that I knew what I was going to say to her. Which was eons better than what I originally wanted to say and I am sure it would have been bad for our friendship....it would have made me seem like an overreacting, petulant, large child! :)
So, I just calmly told her that if she wanted to go garage-saling by herself, that was fine, but, in the future, please do not invite me if you do not intend to go with me.
She then in turn expressed her feelings to me which included some missed appointments (me missing meeting places, taking too long to get there, etc).
So even though our conflict was really not resolved, the feelings and statements that needed to be aired were and there was peace in our friendship (which is the most valued thing that needs to be protected).
