Christmas

This is what Christmas means to me and moves me to happy tears; the sparkle in a little girls eyes.....

Yesterday, on the Eve of Christmas Eve, I had the honor and privilege of giving some food gifts and toys out to children and families who live where I work.

I sent up some prayers,  that I would buy the right things for everyone as I went shopping.  I visited with the store manager about our mission and he graciously donated a case of summer sausages.  (We happened to be standing in front of them and he spontaneously grabbed a case, marked it "donation" and threw it in my cart).....See, it doesn't have to take much time to give, just heart :) !

Then (tired and busy though I was- you know being a woman, or just a person at Christmas time)-  I say this so you know that I did not jump to go shopping with a spring in my step! -  I began to fill my cart.  My excitement (and fear {the bill}) mounted as I piled bags of oranges, apples, bananas and other assorted items into my cart.  It began to groan when I pushed it.  I literally have NEVER purchased this much at one time in my life! 
And soon it was all over (Thank goodness)!  and I was checking out.  The checkers were very kind and sorted everything into 4 boxes for me.  I was relieved and surprised.  It was actually quite fun! And the bill was less than I thought!

Then came the really fun part! 
This, will stay in my heart forever stamped onto my heart and mind.
We gave to families who had lost a mom and the Aunt's house burgeoned to thirteen children! We gave to other families that didn't have much.  Children know how to celebrate goodness and gifts!  That's why they are so fun to give to.  I know it means much to the quiet parent who says, "Right on!, Thank you so much, This will help.",  but the children....who run and skip and whose eyes light up!...  There's just no compare....
But
One expressive child, we'll call her 'Hope'.....looked into the box in my trunk full of toys she could pick and her eyes moved to the blanket in a bag next to the box....I told her she could have it.  She grabbed it, with joy in her eyes and hope in her heart and said to her brother standing by her,  "Feel it.  It's sooo soft."  I had her pick some toys as well (ignoring my own instruction to "only pick one, we have other children to give to.") . I know this girl from school and she does not speak, nary a word, but she didn't need to, I could see her heart was as full as could be.  The light on Hope's face shone brighter that night than the full moon in the sky and the Christmas lights next door.  Hope skipped back into the house and landed simultaneously upon my heart!

Merry Christmas Everyone

A tiny voice, like a Who down in Whoville

Wow, it's hard to do this on your phone!

I was thinking about this voice that is so rare, almost as rare as the voice that puts themselves last..... But not quite.

This is the voice that denies oneself pleasure for a greater good.  I was thinking again about why I have chosen loneliness and some amount of heart break instead of marrying (or falling into bed with, as people do nowadays) the man I am most attracted to.

The answer amusingly reminds me of how the Japanese built their companies, how their automotive industry obtained huge success.  They did not realize great monetary rewards, but instead kept re-investing and improving their product and sustainability.

So, in this way, I am improving (which is GOD and i) myself. Really, it is He that is improving me and I only have to cooperate with Him. But, maybe loneliness will be short-termed. I actually am finding jewels in this desert of loneliness, of having no one to belong to, no intimacy with a spouse.  Truly, He is building me, into a great cathedral... It's fun to watch Him build.....

But the relationship my flesh desires is really a cheap model.  One that cannot last.... One that would be a broken down vehicle and a lot of misery in the future.   But.....I can change him, he will change!  ....a lot of women say.  Sadly, no he won't. And it's ludicrous to expect him to.

But the vehicle that is "save up now, suffer a little," is the Rolls Royce with great returns.  Even if another great 'vehicle' never comes along, I have built an exponential, un-countable amount of heavenly returns. I know us temporal creatures don't care about that, ... But like your mother or father say, "Some day you will!!"

Remember, save now, deny yourself (only possible if you are willing and with God's help).
Look to Jesus to cover your wounds.  Of course, you will not be without pain. No one in this life escapes that.  But your pain will be less in the long term, and your joy greater for choosing Jesus.  I cannot describe how wonderful, what a wonderful and good healer He is.  If you need help knowing this, listen to"Reckless Love" by Cory Asbury, watch Akianne paint about Him, read your Bible (novel idea) lol.... There are so many, many great resources that will encourage you to stay true to your King, even Pinterest. Type "God's Love" on the internet. Keep searching, searching/seeking  Him. Don't give up until He reveals Himself to you.

To Shop or not to Shop

I need.......
I need..................
I need this, that and the other thing!

Well, I believe the Lord told me to write this post out here so there must be someone who needs it!
Something the Lord has taught me and I am eternally grateful for!  is not to shop.
What!?
Anyway,  I mean not to waste my valuable time seeking things out.

Not that I occasionally don't go to the internet and click a few buttons to get something that fills in a place in my decor or some handy tool...but honestly, in the past, I have been so (sadly) guilty of spending hours (and hours) on the internet looking for just the right wallpaper (in fact, I am so picky, I actually MADE my own for the bathroom) or the right shoes or the right slacks or.......you name it!

But like I said, the Lord and I have been making progress (leaps and bounds in this area).  I am learning to trust Him, that He gives so many, many, many great gifts! 
I almost can't even replay to you the number of times
I have gotten some little article of clothing that I needed......you know not really, (like the white belt to match my white jeans).....and it cost 50 cents!

The miracle happens when I wait upon God....and don't go seeking.....But just wait for His timing.  


In fact, there are lots of little shopping 'miracles' that I have experienced.  I have learned to listen to the voice of the LORD telling me when to go shopping (not saying I am always 100% right or hear him correctly all the time).....Really, is it MY voice telling me to go shopping right now or His?  But there have been many times where the Lord has blessed me with much needed clothing and it is ALWAYS at a much needed price!  So, I have more reason to praise and thank Him for being my God and caring about all my needs to the tiniest detail! 
A couple of months ago, I really did hear the LORD (Holy Spirit), the Voice, however you call Him, telling me to go to Shopco.  I knew it was His voice vs. mine, because I really did not want to go.  Really, Lord? 
So, anyway, jeans were on sale, exactly  the style I had been wanting and the right (comfortable) fit!  And as a bonus, there was a beautiful shirt that was flattering for me on clearance (if you saw my closet, you would know that I do not need any more shirts!),  but God is good that way!
He just doesn't appreciate it when we spend unnecessary time seeking these things out.....That, in the bible, is actually called idolatry . (Exodus 20:3-4)

I could go on and on about my other 'shopping miracles' but I won't bore you (or myself!) with all the tedious details! :)

I had a little miracle in regards to this happen just this week.

I am probably going garage saling this weekend....or some weekend this summer.  Just because lately every time I put an article of clothing on, (some that I love and wear at least once a week) I think, yeah that's right, I got this at that garage sale!  Or some of my home furnishings and kitchenware that I use constantly.  I thank God for providing for me!

So, I am in need :) of some curtains for my bedroom...my closet door and one window.
I am excited to see how the Lord will provide!
to be continued

......the LORD knows you have need of these things.  :) .
Have a happy day!

                                                                                                                                       June 17, 2018

               
               Today was one of those days....

Today was one of those days.....where darkness and hell encroach,
but, the Lord sings over me through messages from [a movie, even]
And through heavenly music from some angels sent to minister
song through the power of the Holy Spirit  

                                                                     ok,  I was just about to give up, lol,  and then realized, at least I got what I wanted....to be out of the caption option!  I just wanted to thank the Lord, today.  I know He is always with us and constantly helps us.....He ALWAYS gives me ideas for teaching and helps me to make it interesting and more exciting.  Today, we used my large collection of stamps!  to create cards for a sick sheep in our flock; and a former teacher as well....Those teachers NEED and DESERVE cards from kids when they are sick!  There's nothing like a thought from a child to cheer us up!  

For purple mountain majesties....above the fruited plain!

Oh beautiful, for spacious skies.....

 Just a beautiful walk on a beautiful day with a fun friend and a crazy dog

                                I have this  Love  that transcends all other loves.


                so I have been 'in love' with a man.  and all the feelings that come with it.  There is no
              other feeling on earth like that.

                                               But I am also 'in love' with my Saviour.  I love him and respect him.
He holds my soul.

                                This love is a gift.  A gift from God.
               And there is no other feeling so heavenly as that!


                                                   Do you ever wonder why some people are so crazy about Jesus?

                                  And you don't see it.
There's this man that lived 2000 years ago and claimed to be God.  He did wonderful things, but what          
                            is that to me now?

                                                    The reason some people are so crazy about Jesus is because He           comes to us (in spirit at least)  in tender ways and moments.  He touches our souls.  We know that He longs compassionately for us.  He aches for us.  He is tender for us.
Do you sense my frustration in trying to express this?
Sometimes,  I feel this incredible beauty explode in my soul and I know that it is Him.  You know how people will do whatever it takes to get, be with and do things with the one they are in love with? That's how and why people are willing to be torn asunder, and go through all horrible malady of things.  They have.......this............Love.
                       They love Him.     They are willing to endure whatever it takes for more of Him.
                         
so...the love of a man has been denied me, at least for now
 I may not have all I want, but I definitely have all I need.

Pain is a part of life, but when you keep going back for more, well it's time to give that up.

I've thought about writing a few times since my last post, but it was inconvenient, and I was unsuccessful (can't use my laptop to do it I guess).  Anyway,  I was just going to whine about some things!  lol.......even if they were true, I guess we don't need any more whinos in the world!  :)

I also have been wanting to do more writing;  a little discouraged by the fact, that only two people read my blog!  lol  But......I guess I have written,  and it's out there!  To me,the main purpose of writing really is to #1.  get things off your chest, #2.  bless, minister to or help others and #3 spur communication and ideas. 

This post is actually inspired by the book I am reading, Unexpected Journeys  by Thom S. Rainer. 

So, I have had this painful relationship and things have happened inside of it that I have not told.  It is probably for the best (sometimes forgetting is).   But,  I drug myself back through some of the experiences (and thankfully they are not as painful anymore.  God and time has healed). 

The reason I drug myself back through these things, was for the love and longing for this girl.  (I believe it is actually the Holy Spirit with me)  that is yearning for her salvation.  I don't all the way understand it,  it is just an intense pain mixed with intense yearning.  Like an empty, holllowness.   It is an intense NEED.  So right now,  I do not have communication with her,  but all these circumstances around our relationship have come back to my memory.  And I know this intense yearning is God's prayers for this sweet child,  oh my goodness,  an intense longing.  God wants His child. 

So, like I was saying,  there was this bad relationship in my life....And somewhere out of the manure that I was steeped in, grew this beautiful flower.  :) 
I was hit over and over again.  I would just recover from one blow, when another would come,  sometimes there was a few days or a week or two in between, but they just never stopped.   I would suffer, recover, then pick myself back up and go right back for more (sometimes with a week or two, or maybe a month at most in between).   Finally God intervened, through some interesting means.  :) 
I was finally forced to end the relationship. 
It was a very crazy thing. 

So, in the midst of all that, there was this girl.  A precious, precious young girl. 
But I loved him.
The one that abused me. This is why I don't like to remember. 
So, anyway,
I loved them both so much. 
I worked up the courage every so often to talk to him, her, (them) about Jesus.  My goodness, He {Jesus} has an incredible longing for people.   Have I mentioned that before?  :)
The painful words he threw at me and the girl were,  "You aren't going to turn into a "Jesus" person like her!"  he spit out bitterly,  his tone dripping with malice.  It was actually more of a command,  like "I forbid it,"  even though he had no rights to do that. 
God, it is still painful.
I froze,  then slunk away.  I don't know why this was such a huge blow, but it devastated me.  I cried the rest of the day. 
So, this beautiful girl,  who is like a teardrop with pink rainbows glittering inside of it, sees me outside.  Acid rain is still falling from my cheeks.  She touches me with her smile and floats away.  Did I mention, she was a beautiful child?

This is the girl I am praying for, with great longing.