Addiction

This is funny.  Not really, but....
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I realized how love can be like a drug.  I've never thought this before or came to this realization.  Because of 'falling in love'  with the wrong man,  I've spent plenty of time pondering this subject.
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Even though I knew this man was 'bad' for me, I couldn't seem to 'turn it off'.   Then a series of events led me believe I was addicted to love.   I always thought that was stupid and cheesy until I experienced it.  :)

So I have this huge hole,  this pain in my heart, stemming from not having received love from a father.

Then in walks a man who is decidedly like my father (unfortunately).  Something inside me (without my formal permission) is attracted to this man.  Some ghost of my past is saying,  "finally, I will be loved."  Unfortunately,  this is also not true, because I have fallen for someone who is just as incapable of true love as my father was.     Life is cruel.
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But just realizing that this love is like an addiction, a drug I seek to cover my pain, is actually a step toward healing.  Because I now can step back and say "whoa."
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to be continued...

thankful amidst wading in the swamp

I want to say 'Thank-you' Lord for all I've gotten to do this summer!    I was just thinking about all the things I hadn't gotten to, cleaning out, wading through all my photos and files on the computer, so we could dump it,  wall-papering and putting in the new toilet and a bunch of other house fixer upper things....THen I thought, wait a minute, what have you gotten done?  what have you gotten to?

I have so enjoyed being able to cook!  (have time to)  Tinkering around my flowers every day!   Keeping my house clean....keeping me clean,  time with my LORD!  just a relaxed schedule.

Doing so many fun trips; Broken Walls with my friend, Pam,  Merritt Youth Retreat with my friend Edna and a new friend, Julie, Vermillion with my friend Mindi and Scott, the rock wall, the sweet gifts from my Heavenly Father, which I am so undeserving of. 

So, Thank-you Lord...I suppose I had better get busy!  :)

Backpacking on the Serengetti (nah, just like the way that sounds)

   
    Gorgeous hike from Wild Basin in RMNP.  Some excitement on the trail included crossing a high mountain water fall, more like a trickle  :),  but it was steep and did have to be climbed over.
It was an exciting journey with breathtaking views.

Going backwards...this was about 500 ft up into our hike....total distance was 7 miles.

it's getting late....i'll finish the chronicle of awesomeness tomorrow.  :)

notes, to do list

-Would like to set sweet sunrise over a beautiful pic and post on pinterest

-figure out how to e-mail certain posts to people

a teacher's guilt trip

    This was so cool today

I was struggling over the fact that I was sick,  trying to gauge myself, ...well, maybe I can go to work anyway.  I can muddle through it!....Feeling guilty about calling in. ...
And opened up my devotional book to find some strength for the day:
Here's what it said:
"Realize That You Cannot Meet Everyone's Expectations"
This section proceeds to talk about how Moses was judging all the matters of the people because they were coming to him with an expectation to help them... "Moses did not want to disappoint them so he daily exhausted himself.  When we do this we are pleasing people rather than God and we become ineffective.  We all want people to be pleased with us, but we must also realize that they frequently have unrealistic expectations that are selfish." (Meyer 2010)  So if we are striving to please man, it is possible and even probable that we are being disobedient to God in the course of our daily life.

It is so cool that God only expects what can we give.  How awesome is that!  We have a perfect God who expects sooo much less than perfection and yet people (who are imperfect) expect perfection!  All I have to say is that God is so much more awesome and worthy to be praised, adored and worshipped than people!  Amen?
Lord,  I praise you right now, and thank-You for giving me this.

rock or gem?

I used to think that the person that abused me when I was a child ruined my life, but I was wrong.  Even though that was a horrific experience and I suffered many things throughout my life due to this, I came to realize eventually that it was my own hatred and unforgiveness that was holding me hostage.  No one has the power to ruin your life but you.  I almost ruined my life through my hatred and unforgiveness.    Although you can't help many things in your life, and in your child hood especially, when you get to be an adult,  that is when you can help things.  That is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak.  When, you can choose, through Christ, to become a gem or a rock.  And wether you are a Christian or not,  I can tell you right now that it is impossible to be a gem without Him.  In fact, I would say it is pretty much impossible to forgive something that sears your soul without Him.
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more to come......
from
a
very
selfish, self-serving
person
that
regardless
has
found
grace
through
Christ
PHEW!  what  a relief!

Being a little Superfluous and Selfish once in awhile seems right

Today I did something I almost never do......I bought myself something totally unnecessary, top of the line, and more than I usually spend ($30)  :)  ha ha!

Not deserved, but it did hit the spot,  kind of like a cheeseburger when you are hungry.

I'll get a pic of my crackling little candle fireplace.......oh if only you could smell it!!!!!!!!
          and put it on.

Another beautiful gift I received today!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A river rock walkway from my sidewalk to my garage......It is beautiful, delightful.......Thanks to the talented Aaron for putting it in.

God is good.

Been feeling a little pouty about not being able to go anywhere, for quite awhile and no end immediately in sight to my personal travel restrictions.  (I get REALLY itchy to travel when I haven't in so long...)
So, These pleasant little gifts from God (and me) and Aaron, were like God saying......
"Hey,  here's a little present for you, my beloved, ....Open it".       SOmetimes those LITTLE pleasures can seem bigger than you ever dreamed.     .....I love You, God.
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And thank-You God for summer and the most beautiful weather, ever, that I remember!  The gardens are dreamy.  Visual candy.