Friday, August 14, 2015
Addiction
This is funny. Not really, but....
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I realized how love can be like a drug. I've never thought this before or came to this realization. Because of 'falling in love' with the wrong man, I've spent plenty of time pondering this subject.
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Even though I knew this man was 'bad' for me, I couldn't seem to 'turn it off'. Then a series of events led me believe I was addicted to love. I always thought that was stupid and cheesy until I experienced it. :)
So I have this huge hole, this pain in my heart, stemming from not having received love from a father.
Then in walks a man who is decidedly like my father (unfortunately). Something inside me (without my formal permission) is attracted to this man. Some ghost of my past is saying, "finally, I will be loved." Unfortunately, this is also not true, because I have fallen for someone who is just as incapable of true love as my father was. Life is cruel.
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But just realizing that this love is like an addiction, a drug I seek to cover my pain, is actually a step toward healing. Because I now can step back and say "whoa."
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to be continued...
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