Belief for Bitterness

 

Letter to my friends:

I just wanted to share some VICTORY I've had lately.  I know that something God has taught me recently is that I haven't had the faith I've needed in the past.   And sometimes faith seems like an ethereal, illusive thing to all of us.  So, the reason I have not had victory (in the past). of developing a positive self image was because I was not putting ALL my faith effort (all my strength-muscles) :).  into believing the things that were said about me.  I can see this in some of my other friends with low esteem as well.  It's like lots of people could say nice things and it didn't even matter.  It was hard to believe those things.  God showed me that I had to deliberately BELIEVE.  THere is some amount of wounded pride within me.  I don't know everything, but I do know the price for getting rid of this, is deliberately opening up.  It feels painful,  and I know there are ways I was shut tight as a clam (and preferred life that way)!  lol.  Although I didn't.  Life is pretty miserable as a clam, actually,   At least, it is not nearly as fun! as all those other outgoing creatures swimming around and having a blast with their life!  

I thank God for revealing these things to me and I look forward to seeing what He is going to do in my life!  

And I hope the lives of others as well.  :)

Sometimes it's hard to choose belief, but it is like choosing hell or heaven.....really.

Promise

 

You thrill me with miracles

You gave me a promise      You seal it with signs...

Thank You Lord for Your comfort.  A promise,  that You have good plans for me, even for marriage.

And when I cry and doubt, you send me signs....incredible timing....Gifts from children,  

Doubting thoughts this morning; I look out the window;  and there is another one, driven like a spear into the grass....         Thank You 

Cha Cha Cha

 Cha- Cha-Cha,,,,

I was thinking I would let you in on some secrets

I have discovered.

Ways to make a vacation in your home town...

Even if all you can afford is a meal out or a walk about!

Something I have done to make even a restaurant

visit more interesting (while waiting for the food) is

to take pictures of 'house decor'. ....Then I compile them or feed out clues meagerly, (depending on what kind of mood I'm in) to my friends on Facebook......The game is "guess where I'm at?"  It's interesting that sometimes people can't get places 20 miles away sometimes (I make it harder with what I post when it's close) but can get places that are 2 hours away.

Once I was in a quite obscure restaurant in Omaha, NE and I knew no one on my feed would recognize it, although I do have a few Omaha native friends...But. if they were really serious about my game,  they actually could have zoomed in on my photo, as the napkin holder in the background had the name on it.  

But, I guess their were no Ferraris at stake or anything like that, so sometimes people don't care to put forth the effort!  :)

Other ways to make local fun

-take in the tourist attractions as if you were a tourist instead of a native. Wear the get up.  Ask the tour guide crazy, weird and stupid questions!  Enjoy the reactions.  :)  LOL

-go a little 'crazy'.....we've dressed up in biker outfits on Sturgis rally weekend and ate in restaurants (but stayed in our home town)....we've asked bikers if we could do a photo op on or near their bike.  (i've never had the nerve to ask for a ride, but that might be fun as well).  Sometimes, we've worn evening gowns out to eat at a local place.....sometimes I wear crazy hats.....makes life more fun! :). 

-read up on the history of your area.  look up the public places on the historic registry and check them out. 

-visit local museums, shops, bookstores and libraries 

-meet new people

-record the flora and fauna of your area.  (I live in a rural area, so it's pretty easy).   I take lots of nature hikes and take picture of anything I see that I don't recognize by name and either google it or post it to a FB group I'm in to find the name of it. 

That's all I got for today.  Cheers!

Bearing the Cost

After a day of having to bear a heavy load, that left me in tears.....I started reflecting.... 

I was thinking back today on this moment several years ago, as I was walking on a forgiveness road,  a rough patch actually.  And I had read this story of twin brothers.  One whose live was a wreck; he was an alcoholic, had been through some failed marriages, was distanced from his children.  The other had quite a nice life, successful career, happily married, a good family life.  

This story hit me like a ton of bricks, because someone asked the brothers the reason why their lives were the way they were and they had the same response:  "growing up with an alcoholic father."

I knew at that moment I really had a choice.  Was I going to choose the road of being bitter or better?  

It was so hard.  I was very bitter.  I struggle with bitterness to this day.  But on this day,  and it was like moving a 2 ton boulder for me emotionally, or swinging around a crane with physical force,  but I took hold of that 2 ton brick of bitterness and I turned it around.  I said,  "no, "   

I                    WILL                     NOT              BE             BITTER

I will allow this to make me better.  Although this was a turning point in my life,  there are still many, many instances that come up where I have an opportunity like this......And I have to choose the high road.  I had a pretty terrible day even yesterday,  having the anxieties attack me and then (of course). rejection from a student compounding that.  But, I can see where it prepared me for today, an even worse day!  I looked up a lot of positive messages and they helped.  Thank heavens I did that!  Also, for my breakfast meal,  I read Hinds Feet on High Places which talks about the Valley of Humiliation.  I didn't know how MUCH I was going to NEED that!  I didn't know I was going to get whacked with a 2 x 4 today!!  I guess God thought I needed a little more 'fire' or fertilizer, however you want to look at it.  

Here are a few "messages" from Pinterest last night:

  

Subliminal Messages :)

 

Do you have those days where it seems everything is going wrong?

Well,  sometimes we have days where everything goes so right,  it's like,  WoW!

I had a weekend like that.  God knows I NEEDED it!   (No vacations to speak of, for a longgg time).  

I usually list all the good in my journal,  but literally this time,  there is tooo much! :)

From fun times with a really good friend (unexpected) to also many unexpected gifts, to unexpected adventures with my brother and getting to relax while seeing beautiful scenery and also unexpected animals.   It was a weekend chock full of surprises!

Ate at "the wolf" in Custer.  Most
amazing bread pudding in the world!
And the main dish wasn't too shabby either!

People just came out of the blue at a gas station to tell us where to eat at!

I KNOW you all know that COVID has been wayyyy too long!

And it's especially noticeable because I'm so excited over every little

thing!   .....for example, a pair of socks hanging in a window.  :)

I adore symbiotic relationships...the birds and the buffalo.   they also look cute! :)

The End.  :)

(There's really more to be grateful for

There's a lot of pain in this life, but a lot of beauty, too.

 There's a lot of pain in this life, but a lot of beauty, too.  Golden anniversaries.

I'm walking through the valley of pain right now.   Unexpected disappointments,  so many of them, and varied!

But even through this valley,  I can look back and see where God has provided- a little flower-my favorite, of course, a rose-here,   a little mountain stream, waterfall there, sometimes the brief sighting of a big-horned sheep or coyote. 

Looking back, you know that He has a firm hold on you.   Even through the mist,  the vail of pain,  He is constant.  And we know that Love never leaves, but it doesn't always give us what we want, only what we need.  Therein lies the rift of pain, and also the endurance.  

Faith

 

To know that God is the God of the Impossible

We know that is Faith.

Today,  as I was asking for the faith I lack, that I NEED....I got this mental picture of two people pushing a bar or like a plow,  and it's like Jesus was saying,

"You need to push too!   You can't just expect me to do all the faith-work.  I will help you, but not until you initiate faith and push into faith and operate in faith.  That is how I grow your faith......not by handing it to you on a silver platter.   We all know that is a life-principal,  that those who don't work, don't learn, don't grow."  

Just Wait!

 

If you don't think you are loved,

            I encourage you to just wait!

                        Around the corner,  around the bend,  here it comes,   LOVE.

It may not be in the form you requested or expected,  but it is there just the SAME.

        There are toiling days,  when we feel nothing of love in our hearts from ANYONE,  not even

                        the CREATOR.  

                                But I encourage you.

                                                                        Just wait!

It will come.

I promise.

Wether it's a blue bird in the sky.     

Or a kind smile from a caretaker.

Or the lap of a puppy's tongue.  

Though your body and your mind are frozen from feelingless feelings.

                                                                Please wait.

God has a plan.  We might not know it off hand.  

But He wants us to wait on Him 'til the land.  

                                                                            It's a chore.

                                                                                                Tis indeed

God has goodness planned.

                                                He does.

He may be fighting a million demons right now in your favor.  

And all's He's asking you to do is

                                                        Please wait.

I'm coming,  My Precious Princes and Princesses, My bride.....but 

                                He has His hands a little full right now, 

                                                    saving the world.

So, please don't be selfish. 

                        Don't say,  I must feel love RIGHT NOW!    I must be well RIGHT NOW!

You really aren't thinking of Him (or anyone else, that is sure). 

                                                Don't snuff out the beautiful candle He made

                        Just because you 

                                            Wouldn't

                                                        Wait.