Addiction

This is funny.  Not really, but....
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I realized how love can be like a drug.  I've never thought this before or came to this realization.  Because of 'falling in love'  with the wrong man,  I've spent plenty of time pondering this subject.
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Even though I knew this man was 'bad' for me, I couldn't seem to 'turn it off'.   Then a series of events led me believe I was addicted to love.   I always thought that was stupid and cheesy until I experienced it.  :)

So I have this huge hole,  this pain in my heart, stemming from not having received love from a father.

Then in walks a man who is decidedly like my father (unfortunately).  Something inside me (without my formal permission) is attracted to this man.  Some ghost of my past is saying,  "finally, I will be loved."  Unfortunately,  this is also not true, because I have fallen for someone who is just as incapable of true love as my father was.     Life is cruel.
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But just realizing that this love is like an addiction, a drug I seek to cover my pain, is actually a step toward healing.  Because I now can step back and say "whoa."
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to be continued...

thankful amidst wading in the swamp

I want to say 'Thank-you' Lord for all I've gotten to do this summer!    I was just thinking about all the things I hadn't gotten to, cleaning out, wading through all my photos and files on the computer, so we could dump it,  wall-papering and putting in the new toilet and a bunch of other house fixer upper things....THen I thought, wait a minute, what have you gotten done?  what have you gotten to?

I have so enjoyed being able to cook!  (have time to)  Tinkering around my flowers every day!   Keeping my house clean....keeping me clean,  time with my LORD!  just a relaxed schedule.

Doing so many fun trips; Broken Walls with my friend, Pam,  Merritt Youth Retreat with my friend Edna and a new friend, Julie, Vermillion with my friend Mindi and Scott, the rock wall, the sweet gifts from my Heavenly Father, which I am so undeserving of. 

So, Thank-you Lord...I suppose I had better get busy!  :)